You might not have known this, but Subway practically invented fresh food.

BBDO has unveiled its first campaign for the sandwich chain. The post-Jared Fogle approach features a wholesome, return-to-roots message to help mark Subway's 50th anniversary.

We flash back to 1965 in this debut ad, when founders Fred Deluca—played by his son Jonathan—and Peter Buck opened their first restaurant together. Their focus: Freshness, bucking a zeitgeist of TV dinners and gimmicky restaurant themes to pioneer a now-fashionable aversion to overprocessed foods. 

The ad, whose sight gags include a man laughing (then scowling) after a cowboy does lasso tricks over his burger-chain booth, is more entertaining than BBDO's first tactical Subway work around National Sandwich Day. And it thankfully doesn't feature Tony Hale tormenting hungry, overworked office drones.



"We were fresh before it was fresh to be fresh," says the voiceover, shamelessly employing the kind of smug circular statement that will cause viewers' eyes to roll back in their heads. By cramming 50 years of pseudo-history and vague language into 30 seconds of marketing, it unavoidably stinks of reductive, nostalgic rah rah nonsense. Bubbling under the surface is the sense that Subway is pointing and laughing at the early competition—apparently Sonic and Roy Rogers—to distract from its own recent skeletons. 

Rose-colored narrative aside, it's a visually rich spot and a reasonable if predictable strategy: The brand is pining for a more innocent time before its image was tainted by spokesman Fogle's incarceration for crimes related to sex with minors and child pornography. Honesty, simplicity and good old American family values are what Subway is really about, the ad suggests—without quite saying it outright.

That's not an original message, or even a gripping one. But it's an understandable and important point to get across. All the baloney about freshness is also a way to stay on brand after heavy investment in messaging for its previous tagline, "Eat Fresh"—whether or not that particular claim is true, or the man who represented it is awful.

When life gets unbearable, you need an escape claws.

If you're thinking such silly wordplay heralds a campaign with ursine imagery, you're right. In "Bears," a delightful minute-long TV spot touting Center Parcs' holiday villages in the U.K., the titular beasts stand in for a typical family of four. They shamble through dreary days at home and in the office, disconnected from one another and thoroughly beaten down by the drudgery of urban existence.

"The brief was to tell a story about how Center Parcs creates family togetherness," Andy Fowler, executive creative director at ad agency Brothers and Sisters, tells AdFreak. "Bears felt like the right choice because they're a little bigger than humans, so they fit awkwardly into our world, and somehow we imagine them having very close families."



A team of 25 animators put in more than 10,000 hours over four months to create the realistic and affecting CGI visuals, which depict the bears driving cars, riding crowded subway trains and shuffling through workplace cubicles. Once the family escapes for a holiday at Center Parc, they begin to unwind, interact ... and even chase a few butterflies.

"When you see these huge brown bears trying to live a modern city life, it breaks your heart," says Fowler. "It really shows you how crazy our lives have become. Then, when they go back to nature, back to their natural selves, it has double the emotional impact." (Sky Atlantic's giant polar bear seems stressed by London, too. Maybe he should join them.)

Initially, Brothers and Sisters filmed actors skilled at mimicking animal movements as "reference points" for the motion, scale and emotional responses of the CGI bears. "Seeing a bunch of human actors running through a meadow, pretending to be bears, makes for an unusual sight," Fowler admits. 

Still, the resulting commercial, directed by Ben Liam-Jones via Mustard Films, has most viewers roaring with approval: "It seems to be making lots of people cry on Twitter," says Fowler.

The spot will run through March, targeting families who might have previously been skeptical about giving Center Parcs a try. Of course, barreling off to one of the client's bucolic destinations won't solve every domestic problem or existential crisis. But it probably beats a trip to the maul.

CREDITS
Client: Center Parcs
Agency: Brothers and Sisters
Creatives - Ollie Wolf, Indy Selverajah, Malcolm Duffy
Executive Creative Director - Andy Fowler
Director - Ben Liam-Jones
Production Company  - Mustard Films
Visual Effects - Electric Theatre Collective
Sound - Grand Central

GoPro's Year in Review video for 2015, comprised of footage shot entirely on its Hero4 camera, features a little bit of everything: snowboarding, skateboarding, skydiving, rugby, people jumping in unison at music festivals, a kitten being brought back to life, cute children, food and an old lady watering plants. 

The video angles and overall picture clarity are impressive. Much of the content smacks of the Xtreme Sportz youth marketing we grew up with, but the editing is the real star here. The transitions are seamless throughout, and the visuals pair nicely with the music—DATA's "Blood Theme," in case anyone wondered—which sometimes lends the sensation we're watching a music video.

Despite all that, this is only the second-best GoPro video we've ever seen. The best one by far involved a cat unimpressed with snow.

Comic books are about world-building. The marketing for film adaptations of comics follows the same format: It cultivates an ever-expanding universe, one even populated with fictional advertising for key players. 

But now that Hollywood is making more and more comic-book sequels, every movie's universe is increasingly related and intertwined. This is a big deal. As Wired put it in its last issue, "The shared universe represents something rare in Hollywood: a new idea."

As a result, the fictional corporate worlds that accompany them—and their commercial interests—have also grown larger and more inclusive. 

Case in point: a recent advertising "editorial" in which Wired interviewed Lex Luthor, the evil tech-corporation overlord we all deserve. Occupying two pages in its December edition, the interview—a creative punt for Warner Bros. Entertainment's upcoming Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice movie—comes complete with graphs about the influence of Lexcorp, a snazzy photoshoot and more dork bait than you can stuff into a chum bucket.

These are just the ones I caught as a Batman fan, but there's surely plenty I missed:

• It's written by fictional Daily Planet journalist Ron Troupe.
• "You sound like someone running for political office" is a wink to Lex Luthor becoming president in the comic series. 
• "Because he was cowardly and superstitious" comes from Detective Comics Vol. 1 when, in his first-ever appearance, Batman said, "Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot. So my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts." 
• "Not unless they have access to vast amounts of untold riches" is an obvious Bruce Wayne reference. 
• Kord Industries is owned by Blue Beetle. 
• Stagg is run by supervillain Simon Stagg. 
• Queen Industries is exiting military contracts because owner Green Arrow is now a good guy, à la Tony Stark. 
• Wayne Enterprises making a prototype plane and exoskeleton suit, with no proof of concept, foreshadows Batman's suit, worn in the movies.
• The exoskeleton, and idea of Batman being obsolete, references The Dark Knight Returns, by which the movie is largely inspired. 
• A subtle Superman reference: "able to level tall buildings in a single bout" instead of "able to leap tall buildings in a single bound." 
• ARGUS is the secret government agency run by Amanda Waller, who created the Suicide Squad.
• "Let's just say I ran into a Wall" also refers to Waller (whose nickname is The Wall).
• "He used to say that offense wins games. But he's dead and I say you're only as good as your defense" refers to Lex Luthor's father, whom Luthor murdered.

The depiction of Lex, played by Jesse Eisenberg, adds an extra dollop of criminal insanity to what could easily be an elaboration of Eisenberg's portrayal in The Social Network of our (actual) beloved tech overlord, Mark Zuckerberg. So this ad play makes sense—a fictional interview in a magazine known for interviewing tech moguls who loftily plan to change the world—even if it's hardly an original idea (consider the Peter Weyland TED Talk for Ridley Scott's Prometheus.)

But Lexcorp won't stop at Wired. It's also launched a nice little website, a Twitter handle and its own YouTube channel complete with an announcement about the imminent release of Lex/OS:



No doubt this is just the first volley in a marketing blitz so enormous and deeply intertwined with the fandom that it will make the 2008 fictional electoral campaign "I Believe in Harvey Dent" look like a dwarf planet before Galactus.

Wait—sorry, wrong universe.

Samsung is looking to cozy up with the youths by proving it gets what it means to be a millennial ... and that it's cool with it.

A new commercial from R/GA for the Galaxy A series of phones opens on a man sitting in—what else?—a drone-powered flying machine. "Everyone wonders why we do what we do," says the voiceover in the classic stereotype of a bored, self-absorbed Gen Y sneer.

The minute-long spot then launches into a montage of young people snapping food pics, texting with emoji, posting selfies, watching clips of screaming beavers and unboxing new products ... all while the voiceover muses on the desperation of Others (cough: marketers) to understand these enigmatic creatures. 

For what it is, it's actually reasonably well put-together. Tension builds through layers of existential questions before settling on one last big "You know why?"

Dramatic pause.



The big reveal: "Because it's what we do."

Maybe that kind of smug kiss-off is something millennials can identify with, a secret handshake that seems to say, "Ha ha, gotcha, who cares?" Or maybe it's just lazy.

There are probably answers to all the whys, for anyone who cares enough to pursue them: An animal exhibiting human behavior is funny because it's surprising and relatable. A feat of engineering or athleticism is captivating because it's extraordinary. People take photos of mundane activities because they want to document moments they know they might one day forget, and share them with others who care (and maybe some who don't).

Ultimately, everyone is looking for windows into experiences they don't have, and to find common ground based on ones they do. These dynamics are not new, or unique to millennials; they've just been amplified by technology. Now everyone has a supercomputer in their pocket (a state of affairs for which Apple deserves more credit than Samsung does).

That's all without citing the broader impetus for the obsessive nervous laughter that defines a generation. A 60-second commercial isn't really long enough to say "Because, after being inundated with absurd quantities of conflicting information, we are so riddled with anxiety about the insignificance of our lives that we constantly seek ways to carve out meaning, purpose and connection—or, at the very least, distract ourselves from what increasingly appears to be humanity's mad dash towards catastrophe. Sometimes it's best to project an illusion of joy, strength and adventure on Facebook, and sometimes you just want to curl up in a ball and watch stupid YouTube videos with a friend."

But maybe the marketer could have just said "Because it's fun." Something—anything—besides snubbing the chance to take a position in favor of a shrug, ultimately punishing anyone who actually bothered to offer them all of a minute's precious attention. 

Absent a real payoff, the whole thing feels like a drawn-out version of "How do you do fellow kids?" Worse still, Samsung apparently didn't get the last millennial-related memo: Ads are way more entertaining when you make fun of them.

CREDITS
Client: Samsung
Product: A Series
Spot: "Why?"
Director Sonia Chang
Senior Manager Yeji Kim
Manager Bokyung Chang
Assisant Manager Woongki Kim
Associate Yoonkyung Choi

RGA: TV (International)
Executive Creative Director: Jay Zasa
Creative Director: Martin Insua
Creative Director: Ezequiel Soules
Director Film Production: Kat Friis
Film Producer: Michael Glennon
Executive Producer: Lisa Greenleaf
SVP Managing Director: Robin Forbes
Account Director: Elizabeth Bourke
Group Planning Lead: Dennis Claus
Planner: Allie Walker
Director Business Affairs: Stephen Bernstein
Manager Business Affairs: Mister Brumfield

TV– Partners

Production Company – Tool
Director – John X Carey
Cinematographer - Matthias Koenigswieser
Line Producer – Leslie Owen

Post Production – Cut + Run
Editor – Gary Knight 

Audio Post – Mister Bronx
Engineer – David Wolfe

DirecTV: the final frontier?

A bunch of "Settlers"—a modern suburban family dressed like the cast of Little House on the Prairie—settle for cable rather than DirecTV in Grey's latest ads for the satellite service.

In "Neighbors," Sonny Boy asks Pops why they have to put up with cable's lower customer satisfaction while the folks next door enjoy DirecTV. Dad tells the scamp to go churn some butter and make his own clothes:



"Satisfaction" shows the family's TV setup—a '70s-era (1970s, not 1870s) set with a wonky-looking cable box. Dad equates cable with life's simpler pleasures … like faceless dolls, cabbages and foot stomping:



The work's time-tripping humor connects, though, at times, the tech-phobic Settlers seem more like Amish folks than pioneers. (Asked about that, a DirecTV rep tells AdFreak: "These ads take place in an alternate reality and aren't meant to be taken literally.") 

Still, ultimately these one-joke spots feel like placeholders while the client searches for a worthy, longterm successor to its "Versus" campaign with Rob Lowe.

Its recent cable merger-themed spots (starring Jeffrey Tambor and Fred Willard, with Grey reviving an old concept from Deutsch) and ads with various football stars (Petite Randy Moss, Eli Manning) flew right by. And we expect "The Settlers" to quickly fade into history.

And not soon enough. Perhaps DirecTV should settle on one concept and allow it to evolve over time.

Here are the 10 most read AdFreak posts of 2015. Thanks for reading this year, and here's to a fun and crazy 2016. 

 
10. Similac Has a Big Hit With One of the Most Honest Ads Ever About Parenting
Similac showed us what happens when our beliefs clash through an ad that's a little bit funny, a little bit moving, and a lot true.

 
9. These Shameless Cocaine Ads Prove the '70s Were a Hell of a Time to Be Alive
Inspired by the hit Netflix series Narcos, about the exploits of Pablo Escobar, some fans decided to dig up some of the period's not-so-subtle ads for cocaine paraphernalia. And quite a collection it was.

 
8. Ikea Lovingly Turned These 10 Children's Drawings Into Actual Plush Toys
To help create this year's lineup of Soft Toys for Education, global retailer Ikea turned to crayon-wielding kids around the world.

 
7. The Couple Who Quit Their Ad Jobs to Travel the World Ended Up Poor and Scrubbing Toilets
Chanel Cartell and Stevo Dirnberger, the South African couple who quit their agency jobs this year to travel the world and document the experience, ended up doing a lot of dirty work, and shedding more than a few tears. But in a way, that's just what they wanted.

 
6. Target Loved the Guy Who Trolled Its Haters, Judging by This Genius Facebook Post
This was a follow-up story to the one that's No. 3 on this list—about Target's sly and subtle reaction to Facebook user Mike Melgaard posing as a Target customer service rep and caustically replying to angry messages left by haters opposed to Target's gender-neutral product labeling.

 
5. Tinder Users at SXSW Are Falling for This Woman, but She's Not What She Appears
Tinder users at the SXSW festival were encountering an attractive 25-year-old woman named Ava on the dating app. But as a friend of ours found out, she wasn't looking for love.

 
4. Watch People in Other Industries React Hilariously to Being Asked for Free Spec Work
People in other industries don't provide their would-be clients with "spec work" for free. That would be asinine. So, why do advertising agencies continue to do it? This video from Canadian agency Zulu Alpha Kilo captured the insanity of the spec process perfectly.

 
3. Man Poses as Target on Facebook, Trolls Haters of Its Gender-Neutral Move With Epic Replies
Troll of the year Mike Melgaard defended Target from critics upset about its move toward gender-neutral labeling of children's products in its stores. And he did it in amusing fashion, creating a fake Facebook account and posing as a Target customer service rep—under the name Ask ForHelp, with a bull's-eye profile pic—to excoriate haters with comically sarcastic replies.

 
2. Vince Vaughn and Co-stars Pose for Idiotic Stock Photos You Can Have for Free
Twentieth Century Fox teamed up with iStock by Getty Images to create a set of stock photos featuring Vaughn along with his Unfinished Business co-stars Tom Wilkinson, Dave Franco and others.

 
1. Groupon Posted This Product on Facebook, Then Replied to Everyone Who Made a Sex Joke
Groupon knows social, as we all saw in March with its Facebook post of a Banana Bunker—a container for a single banana, which you can absolutely purchase on the Groupon site.

Winning a Cannes Lion or a Gold Clio would make George Smoot's Nobel Prize for Physics look like garbage, right? 

In Wieden + Kennedy's latest TurboTax campaign, some of the world's greatest intellects school average folks on how easy it is to use the online tax preparation system. S. James Gates Jr., Michio Kaku, Franklin Chang Diaz and George Smoot are among the smarties appearing in a series of 30-second spots tagged, "It doesn't take a genius to do your taxes." 

In one commercial, theoretical physicist Kaku explains the concept of "absolute zero" as it applies to TurboTax, which charges nothing for its service. "Nothing is the absence of something," he says. "Zero is absolutely nothing." (Bravo, brainiac!) 



In a Spanish-language ad, physicist astronaut Diaz shows a befuddled father how to claim his kids as dependents, though he misses an easy basket during a driveway pickup game. (Suck it, Poindexter! Who says nothing beats an astronaut?)



"The ads bring new innovations to life, demonstrating how TurboTax addresses consumers' doubts and empowers them to get every dollar they deserve," says Greg Johnson, svp of marketing for Intuit's Consumer Tax Group. 

W+K and multicultural agency Grupo Gallegos handled creative chores, with Smuggler's Randy Krallman directing the amusing commercials, which run through April 18, supported by radio, digital and social outreach. 

TurboTax will also air a "Genius" spot during Super Bowl 50, marking the brand's third straight appearance on the big game, and its follow-up to 2015's droll "Boston Tea Party" ad. (In addition, one of three finalists in parent company Intuit's "Small Business, Big Game" contest will have an ad produced by RPA for the Feb. 7 CBS telecast.)

One question, though: If they're really such geniuses, why don't they show us how to avoid paying taxes? The mind reels. 

More variants below.

CREDITS
Client: Intuit TurboTax

Agency: Wieden + Kennedy, Portland, Ore.
Creative Directors Max Stinson, Scott Kaplan, Erik Fahrenkopf
Copywriter Jason Turner
Art Director Joe Albert
Senior Producer Erika Madison
Account Team Courtney Nelson, Vanessa Miller, Anna Boteva
Executive Creative Directors Joe Staples / Mark Fitzloff
Head of Production Ben Grylewicz
Strategic Planning Christine Sheehan, Nathan Goldberg
Project Management Laurie Holtz

Production Company Smuggler
Director Randy Krallman
Executive Producer Shannon Jones
Line Producer Ian Blain
Director of Photography Manel Ruiz

Editorial Company Mackenzie Cutler
Editor Erik Laroi
Assistant Editors Maria Lee/Sarah Krusen
Executive Producer Sasha Hirschfeld
Sound Designer Sam Shaffer

VFX Company Joint
Lead Flame Artist Katrina Salicrup
2D Artists David Jahns, Stephan Lectez, Robert Murdock, Noah Poole
VFX Producer Steve Griffith
VFX Coordinator Nathanael Horton
VFX Executive Producer

Graphics + Animation
WK Motion Producers Sarah Gamazo/Michael Gersten
WK Motion Designers  James Heredia/Peiter Hergert
WK Studio Managers Sally Garrido-Spencer/Amy Streger
WK Studio Designers Eric Reigert/Dana Beaty

Telecine Company Company 3
Colorist Sean Coleman
Producer Matt Moran

Mix Company Joint
Mixer Noah Woodburn
Producer Sarah Fink

A new clothing ad is making waves in India with a modern depiction of negotiations for an arranged marriage.

The two-minute commercial by Brandmovers for fashion brand Biba opens on a young woman dressing up to meet a suitor's family at her parents' home. Her father rushes her along as she expresses discomfort over the idea of committing to a man she barely knows. Fast-forward to the scene downstairs: After a meal, the suitor's parents express interest in moving forward with the match. 

Then comes the twist.



The young woman's father asks that his family visit the suitor's home as well, explaining to his perplexed mother that the man's culinary skills are a factor in the decision. Ultimately, the suitor himself proposes a thoughtful solution, to the delight of the young woman and her family.

By modern U.S. standards, the notion of arranged marriage is discomfiting. But the video, titled "Change the Convention," aims to challenge India's traditions, and is drawing a largely enthusiastic response there. On Facebook it has over 7.3 million views and more than 200,000 Likes.

The most popular comment, with more than 1,300 up-votes, reads: "God give parents this courage to speak up for their daughters ... This video is [meant] more for the elder generation who still takes decisions [i]n their daughter's life."

As the headline on BuzzFeed India's coverage puts it, "This Tiny Update To Arranged Marriage Customs Is A Huge Step Toward Gender Equality." Writes the piece's author: "The message is clear: Updating our customs toward equality is cool, necessary, and beautiful."

Unsurprisingly, many viewers also missed the point, griping about the plight of men.

"I agree with this and [am] totally in favour of men cooking food," says one Facebook commenter with less than 200 thumbs-up. "But why [do] we want to change only one side. Why [do] girl[s'] parents look for a boy who has lakhs or crores of salary package or a well settled business. Let the girls be bread winner of the family and guys are happy to cook all meals. Why put all the financial burden on a poor guy."

A third comment offers an explanation to such naysayers, and features more than 700 likes. "[It's] not literally about cooking … It's about not being focused on what a girl can give to marriage but also what a man can give… A girl['s] parents feel at times well most of time that they are obliged to say yes to everything that a man [and] his family demands. So it's just a concept to say that it's high time things need to change! Beautiful concept!! Good work."

No matter where you fall on this, it's safe to say the suitor's response illustrates a good rule for men dating in any culture: Don't be an inflexible, inconsiderate ass.

Sun protection has become a game at Bondi Beach in Sydney, Australia.

Cancer Institute NSW, JCDecaux, UM and Soap Creative teamed up to build mechanical-claw-game-style SPF50+ sunscreen dispensers to motivate beachgoers into taking skin cancer a bit more seriously. 

The larger "Pretty Shady" campaign is meant to raise awareness of skin cancer and its causes and risk factors. It also includes bus shelter wraps around Sydney to keep commuters out of the harsh sun. 



The shelter wraps are a nice courtesy, and the "lucky grab" sunscreen dispensers are a great idea that should be adopted as a public service, like water fountains or restrooms. It wouldn't hurt to adopt this practice in the U.S., either, given the 70-degree Christmas many of us just had.

Via The Inspiration Room.

J. Walter Thompson in New York had film crews ready and waiting at Long Island Jewish Medical Center in Queens on New Year's Eve to capture the hospital's first birth of the year—for a TV spot it rolled out just hours later for Northwell Health.

Check out the spot below, which introduces viewers to Austin Joseph, a boy born just 36 seconds after midnight on New Year's Day. The tender moments between mother and child were "captured in real time, inserted into the TV ad and broadcast within hours of the birth," the healthcare marketer said in a statement.



Austin isn't the only new arrival here. The spot also announces the rebranding of the former North Shore-LIJ Health System as Northwell Health—that's how the concept was born.

"The birth of a new healthcare system dedicated to a new standard in care deserves more than just another hospital campaign. It's not just advertising; it's news," said Eric Weisberg, executive creative director at J. Walter Thompson New York.

"Across all media channels, 'Look North' challenges people to discover the unique breakthroughs in care happening throughout Northwell Health, and it would not have been possible without the unprecedented collaboration, partnership and vision of the Northwell teams."

It's not a totally new idea, of course. Fisher-Price made that impressive "Wishes for Baby" spot a year ago, showing New Year's newborns in 10 hospitals in seven countries. But it's still a sweet idea, and an apt one for this evolving brand. 

"Look North" is Northwell's first brand campaign in five years and the biggest marketing push in the 25-year history of the 21-hospital health system. The "Happy Birthday" ad will air on New York area broadcast stations including WABC, WNBC, WCBS and WPIX, with a print version running this week in The New York Times, Wall Street Journal and other publications. 

You might think Instagram is all about photography. Not so, says David Kolbusz.

"Instagram is a writer's medium," the creative director declares at the top of his feed. And he makes a good case for that with his posts—a hodgepodge of everyday shots brought to life with hilariously twisted, ranty, profanity-laced captions. 

Kolbusz frequently tees off on society's ills, harboring a particular distaste for idiotic technological "advancements." (Recent recurring targets include selfie sticks and hoverboards.) But some of the best posts are almost like short stories, as Kolbusz invents a whole ludicrous backstory to the image presented. 

Check out a handful of our favorite posts below.

Kolbusz—a decorated creative who moved to Droga5 London recently as chief creative officer after stints at Wieden + Kennedy and BBH London (where he made the best ad of 2012 and appeared, in a pig's mask, on Adweek's cover)—declined to comment for this story.

But follow him on Instagram, and let his insane, inspired copy do the talking. 
 

 

Another year has drawn to a close and - like gazing into a latrine with morbid fascination at the filthy shit you've just done - it's time to take stock. The good news is the mistakes you've made will slide comfortably out of focus tonight as you imbibe a month's worth of toxins into your bloodstream under the guise of ringing in le nouvelle année. Me, I've always spent the night sober, getting my high from le frisson de l'aventure. Par example - 1967. I remember it like it was yesterday. Sidney Poitier and I took a plane to British Mauritius to ring in the new year. I'd just opened my first store on le Rive Gauche and Sidney was the toast of Hollywood! We landed not knowing a single soul, but did that stop us from making friends? Did it fuck. We hastily assembled a cast of locals to help us reenact a scene from his latest picture - 'Guess Who's Coming to Dinner' - in the Port Louis town square. Sid played his part from the film - a young black doctor brought home to meet his fiancee's racist white parents. I naturally assumed the role of his bride to be. Then we paid two tramps to play the Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy roles, hurling vicious invective at us (in the way only tramps can), disapproving of our mixed race union for two hours until the clock struck minuit. By quarter past the hour we'd received a standing ovation that kept the audience of the East African colony clapping their chapped hands together until their fingers bled. Point being, live every night like it's your last because most people die in their sleep. Happy 2016, you absolute sons of bitches. You have all my love. Signed, New Years Yves.

A photo posted by David Kolbusz (@davidkolbusz) on Dec 31, 2015 at 5:38pm PST

 

Not since the selfie stick has a modern day "innovation" made me pray for a nuclear Iran to wipe us all off the face of the fucking earth like the Hoverboard. If this is the kind of shit we keep churning out...if this is progress...civilisation needs to end now because we reached our peak with biodegradable packaging and online porn. I mean look at this cunt with his too-large suit and blue canvas "kick-the-shit-out-of-me-at-recess" briefcase. Does he think he's going to wheel up to his 10am sales meeting and everyone's jaws are going to hit the fucking floor and they'll be like "we'll take all the boring, shitty annuities you're selling because your chosen method of transportation inspires confidence within us that you have the ability to know the future"? Like fuck. And here's the other thing. I don't know what shit-for-brains decided to call it a Hoverboard, but guess what - it has wheels. It doesn't even look like it's hovering unless you're watching it drive past at top speed and you have glaucoma.

A photo posted by David Kolbusz (@davidkolbusz) on Nov 5, 2015 at 6:50pm PST

 

#ThrowbackThursday to that time I did a demo with a virtual reality headset and for a brief, fleeting moment I assumed the role of a wanted man on the run, convicted of a crime he didn't commit. And I laughed it off and was all like, "That was kind of fun I guess" but then hours later I awoke from my sleep at 4:33am, bathed in an icy layer of sweat, having suffered through what felt like somebody else's nightmare with the unshakeable feeling that I had killed a man. And I'm under a bridge and everything is cold and dark and I'm wandering the streets with a bloodied knife in my hand and I don't know whose blood it is and I am asking anyone who'll listen if they've seen my son and HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY SON and where did this suitcase full of money come from and I'm offering the money to a homeless woman I've never met before and there is a shrieking Lernaean Hydra in each of her eyes and I'm begging her to kill me PLEASE KILL ME so I can just wake up but how will I know if I'll return to the life to which I'm accustomed or if everything will just be over and I'll cease to exist and fuck this Oculus Rift shit I don't care how much it improves my brand experience.

A photo posted by David Kolbusz (@davidkolbusz) on Oct 29, 2015 at 6:54pm PDT

 

What kind of dipshit conquistador drops his wineskin in the middle of the road and doesn't take notice? After a long, hard day of colonizing and establishing trade routes, this prick's going to reach for a drink of water and find himself with nary a drop to wet his lips. I'll tell you what – for a second I even felt bad for the guy! Maybe he lost a mule to heatstroke on the canyon trail. Or perhaps he was distracted by an all-consuming bout of diphtheria. But then I was like, "You think Cortes would've lost his rations mid-Aztec overthrow? Would Ponce De Leon have been left dry-mouthed and wanting in his quest for the Fountain of Youth? The fuck he would. Why, even a Basque shepherd tending to his flock's peregrination would've managed to hold on to his water bag. No, my friends...this is fucking amateur hour. And that pendejo deserves what he gets.

A photo posted by David Kolbusz (@davidkolbusz) on Sep 29, 2015 at 6:46pm PDT

 

Awwwwwww shit. Check out someone else's Lamborghini, motherfucker. Any dickhead can take a photo of themselves standing in front of another man's luxury vehicle but you gotta get pretty fucking lucky to snap that shit while the driver's still in the front seat. He was all like, "What are you doing?" and I was like "Takin' a photo of myself in front of a car I'll never have the money to buy, bitch!" but the "bitch" part I said only in my head. And he was like "Well don't." And called me an asshole. Which is a difficult thing to hear when you're working through some self esteem issues.

A photo posted by David Kolbusz (@davidkolbusz) on Aug 27, 2015 at 6:37pm PDT

 

Oh yeah, good. Storm off. Like you always fucking do. Because that's a really healthy way to handle anger. Jesus Christ, Brenda. You can throw one of your little hissy fits but at some point we both know you're going to have to turn around and engage with me. Look - no one ever said dating a smoker's pole was going to be easy but I'd like to think we've had some good times together. Maybe even great times. Enough that we owe it to ourselves to find a way through this. What do you want, an apology? Here's the thing - I'm not sorry. It's perfectly reasonable for me to want to hang out with other cigarette butt receptacles once in a while. You call it "love" but your constant and unrelenting affection can be so...oppressive at times. You're lucky I don't have any fine motor skills. If I wasn't entirely reliant on you for transportation I'd give you a taste of your own medicine. You'd turn around one day and I'd be gone. No smoker's pole to push around anymore. You know…I wouldn't have to put up with this horseshit if I was carved out of solid mahogany. Women would be falling all over me if I was an ashtray made of solid mahogany.

A photo posted by David Kolbusz (@davidkolbusz) on Aug 12, 2015 at 7:07pm PDT

 

Hey fuckface, here's an idea. Instead of dicking around our nation's sidewalks like an overweight tourist with a camera and a passion for sightseeing, why don't you use the hundred billion square degrees of sky that God gave you as a viable transportation option? I get that cranes are ground-dwelling birds, but given the fact that you can technically fly at an altitude of up to five thousand feet, it makes your lazy Sunday stroll seem at best like a callous exercise in sloth and at worst, an insult to human bipeds. It's a bit like Enzo Ferrari taking the bus. We all know what you've got at your disposal and not putting it to good use just makes you look like a bit of a cunt.

A photo posted by David Kolbusz (@davidkolbusz) on Jul 15, 2015 at 7:03pm PDT

 

#ThrowBackThursday to that time I was at a cocktail party with Maya Angelou and I'm telling her about how much I loved "I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings" and asking how she feels about changing the very nature of the autobiographical format and I'm waiting for her answer and she's giving me this dead-eyed stare but finally she breaks the silence and says, "It's 'I Know WHEN The Caged Bird Sings', prick." And I instantly start sweating and going back into the recesses of my mind wondering how I could've got the title wrong and after what seems like an eternity she bursts into laughter and says, "Relax, I'm fucking with you". And I start laughing too. Harder and louder than I ever have before - in part out of sheer relief - and both of us laugh for what feels like a solid five minutes. Finally after we catch our breath she says to me, "Why don't we go into one of those bedrooms and you show me what you can do with that tongue of yours." And I'm like, "You're still fucking with me, right?" And she's like, "I'm serious as cancer." So I kind of wring my hands a bit and tell her, "Maya, I'm not really comfortable with..." Then she goes ice cold, looks off into the distance, and says, "You tell anyone about this and not a single fucking soul will believe you." And without making eye contact she spits her gum in my drink and walks away. And I'm like, "Shit! Maya Angelou chews gum?"

A photo posted by David Kolbusz (@davidkolbusz) on Jul 1, 2015 at 6:40pm PDT

 

It's gotta fucking sting when someone moves into your building with a cooler version of your name. I mean, Kurt's alright I guess but you throw a handful of vowels and consonants onto the back of that shit and it basically makes you impossible to fuck with. Who's going to kick your ass because he's been sitting down and hasn't used his legs for anything in a while? Kurttepeli. Who decides to buy a new car but instead of trading in his old one, takes the opportunity to crash it? Kurttepeli. Who's going to steal your girlfriend even though he forces her to sign a legally-binding contract guaranteeing their relationship will require no ballet, shopping trips, or sharing of feelings? Kurttepeli. Basically, if that guy with that name moves into your building you've got two options: kill yourself or get a court order and change your name to Kurttepelio.

A photo posted by David Kolbusz (@davidkolbusz) on Jun 28, 2015 at 5:30pm PDT

 

No no no, sweetheart...it's not what you're thinking. I was using the term "hardcore" in a completely different context. As in "driven" or "passionate". You know...like when people say "he worked all night - that guy's hardcore." Or "she was so hardcore she got through elective surgery without anaesthesia." Does that make sense? I don't know - maybe hardcore was a bad choice of word. Maybe I should've used "dedicated". Yes, on second thought "dedicated" is much better. And "Asian"? Well, Asia is a large continent isn't it? It encompasses Southeast Asia too, right? Like Pakistan! Did you know that Pakistan was created in 1947 as an independent nation for Muslims from the regions in the east and west of the Subcontinent where there was a Muslim majority? Fascinating stuff, really. Now, being a new nation and everything, you gotta imagine they're "hungry" to prove themselves, right? Those guys are passionate. Take their call centers, for instance. You've phoned your bank and got a call center based in Pakistan, right? Unbelievably buttoned-down. They run them like machines. They're basically sluts for efficiency. Sluts for making things happen. Which is why I use the term "sluts" as a compliment! So you see - when "Hungry Hardcore Asian Sluts" comes up in my Internet search history, really it's like I typed "Dedicated Pakistani Call Center Employees Who'll Do Anything To Succeed".

A photo posted by David Kolbusz (@davidkolbusz) on May 8, 2015 at 6:53pm PDT

Not everyone in the family may have been looking forward to the holiday onslaught, as evidenced by this dark PSA from France. 

Publicis Conseil created the ad, which follows an anxious boy through his home as his family makes last-minute preparations for an impending Christmas dinner. Veterans of PSAs in this genre will recognize common tropes: He alternates between walking like a drone and committing random, passive-aggressive acts of subversion—like taking a cluster of fresh-baked cookies in his hands and smashing them to pieces, or pressing the doors closed on a paper advent calendar after watching his sister painstakingly fold each one open.

Warning: Spot contains suggestions of sexual violence.



Directed by Gang Production's Laurence Dunmore, the pace is set by a slow-moving holiday croon, which seems to grow slower as the tension rises and takes on the contours of a blooming nightmare. The mounting desperation of the boy, coupled with the contrasting cheer of his family, only makes things worse: The palpable joy in the air lends the impression that he's a moving figurant in an alternate universe.

Then, the doorbell rings. Our boy stands stock-still, facing imminent doom. It doesn't take much to know what he's afraid of, and we don't need a face to sense the waking malice of the monster who could be lurking on the other side of the door. 

The ad closes with the following copy: "Not all kids are excited about Christmas day. 75% of sexual violence against children happens in the family." 

The work, for the International Association of Victims of Incest (AIVI), went live on Dec. 23 across an array of French networks, supported online by the hashtag #combattrelinceste ("combat incest"). In a season rife with merry, flagrantly commercial holiday spots, the ad's darkness was particularly rare (although at least one other organisation took advantage of recent festivities to raise awareness for spousal abuse).

Incest, being an especially ugly topic in the Annals of Awful Things Humans Do, doesn't get much play in the commercial space—barring Game of Thrones—and it isn't often you see a boy used in this context. Most abuse pieces focus on the plight of women and girls, which makes our young protagonist's silence that much more understandable ... and all the more chilling.

Unicorns. They make streetlights shine whiter, televisions brighter and food cook quicker, says a new ad from VCCP London for a U.K. energy provider. 

A herd of the mythical beasts gallops through stormy country into a seaside town, causing power surges in the faux-epic spot from marketer First Utility. "We call it HD electricity," says the voiceover.



Alas, in the end it's not even metaphor—just fantasy. "There's no such thing as HD electricity," continues the pitch, in the least surprising twist of all time. "It all does the same, so why pay more?"

Maybe so, but French media brand Canal+ might say such technology would easily have been feasible ... if one of Noah's helpers hadn't made a priceless oversight. 

In other words, unicorns might have been one of 2015's creative advertising trends, but for better or worse, they're not over yet. At least this time they're not pooping rainbow soft-serve to the delight of a would-be Princess Bride extra. 

First Utility's selling point is a touch reminiscent of Geico's broad, humor-driven direct savings message. The concept hangs together well enough until the kicker, when the voiceover starts talking nonsense. Unicorns "can't wink," it says.

"The hell they can't!" you say. 

Equinox is back with another striking print, digital and outdoor campaign from Wieden + Kennedy New York that looks more like fashion advertising than something a gym, even a high-end one, would put out. And the concept goes well beyond workouts, too, pushing the concept of "commitment"—not just in exercise but in life.

Fashion photographer Steven Klein shot the seven new ads over three days in Los Angeles. They celebrate various forms of commitment, Equinox says, in socially relevant areas like activism, sexuality, lifestyle choices and women's rights.

The brand says the images range "from a young mother unapologetically breastfeeding in public (portrayed by Lydia Hearst), to an activist who is seen fearlessly taking a stand for her cause (featuring Bianca Van Damme, daughter of Jean-Claude Van Damme), to a male cheerleading champion who wasn't threatened by a stereotype and dedicated himself to winning in his own way (featuring MMA fighter Alan Jouban). All vignettes are a virtuous expression of taking deliberate action, of going 'all in.' "

W+K tells AdFreak that the idea of committing only to a workout just wasn't compelling enough—thus, the larger idea her of committing to life. "It takes shape in different ways for different people," the agency says. "Committing to a cause. Committing to a belief. Committing to pursuing the almighty dollar. Or even committing to multiple sex partners. The more we stretched the definition, the more interesting the campaign got."

Klein "helped breathe life in to the various scenarios," W+K added. "His great eye and the great, skewed twists in all his work helped further elevate the work."

"It is the responsibility of advertising to communicate modern times and social issues," Klein said in a statement. "This campaign addresses today's issues and social commentaries, which is a powerful approach instead of portraying people as superficial objects with no narrative."

Added Equinox CMO Carlos Becil: "Equinox is about commitment, we are obsessed with it, and we challenge our members to know who they are and what they want. It's not just about fitness - it's about life. The concept of commitment is bold, incredibly powerful, and it's real, especially in a world today where commitment is lacking."

The campaign, which comes as the gym celebrates its 25th anniversary, broke on Monday in digital, social and print under the hashtag #CommitToSomething. The ads will also be displayed in Equinox locations in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, San Francisco, Miami, Boston, New Jersey, Texas, Washington, D.C., London and Toronto. 

CREDITS
Client: Equinox
Project: Commit to Something
Format: Print, Out-of-home, Digital, Social, In Club (windows/displays)
Chief Marketing Officer: Carlos Becil
Executive Creative Director: Liz Nolan
Senior Manager, Social Media: Caitlin Schneider
Manager, Social Media: Carly Roth
Senior Manager, Studio Services: Gisela Delgado
Print Production Assistant: Lisa Day
Senior Manager, Brand Communications: Ashley Anderson
Assistant Marketing Manager: Kathryn Morgan

Agency: Wieden + Kennedy, New York
Executive Creative Directors: Colleen DeCourcy
Creative Directors: John Parker & Sean McLaughlin
Copywriter: Rajeev Basu
Art Director: Mathieu Zarbatany
Art Director, Social: Alison Joseph
Director of Art Production: Deb Rosen
Photographer: Steven Klein
Account Director: Casey Jennings
Account Supervisor: Kristen Herrington
Account Executive: Jasmine Cogdell
Project Manager: Danielle Rounds
Business Affairs: Keri Rommel, Lindsey Timko
Brand Strategist: Neal Arthur
Content Strategist: Matt Simpson
Community Manager: James Williams
Designer: Design Director: Serifcan Ozcan; Designer: Brian Metcalf
Media Director of W+KNY: David Stopforth
Group Media Director: Ryan Haskins
Media Supervisor: Courtney Bernstein
Media Platforms: Yoni Freedman

Photographer: Steven Klein
Photographer's Agent: Art Partner
Stylist: Mel Ottenberg
Set Designer: David White

Retouching Agency: Steven Klein Studio

Production Company: North Six
Executive Producer: Jordanna Vogel
Line Producer: Kellie Tissear

Actor and comedian T.J. Miller was "dumb, and not in a funny way," in the big-screen flop Yogi Bear in 3D. And he's game for trotting out the memory of that critical drubbing if it means driving viewers to a presumably better use of their time—his hosting gig at the 21st annual Critics' Choice Awards.

The show, airing live Jan. 17 on A&E, Lifetime and Lifetime Movie Network, launches the year's award-season broadcasts, so expect a steady stream of Hollywood backslapping to follow. And Miller, currently hot for his role on HBO's biting satire Silicon Valley, shows off his self-deprecating loveable loser persona in several promos from L.A.-based Stun Creative.

He's hapless but in a funny way. (He wore cut-off tux pants under that sophisticated black tie, execs at Stun say, and destroyed about 50 champagne glasses in his attempt to serve a cocktail).

For those interested in the awards themselves, which combine movies and television for the first time into one three-hour self-congratulatory extravaganza, the year's most nominated film is Mad Max: Fury Road, and on the TV and streaming side, FX's Fargo and Amazon's Transparent lead the pack.

There's a whiff of controversy over the 11th hour addition of Star Wars: The Force Awakens as a best picture nominee. The film didn't screen in time to be considered, but the Broadcast Film Critics Association took a member poll and decided to tack it onto the list of 10 already nominated pictures.

Will that help the show's modest ratings? Maybe. Miller could also be a draw, especially with the young techy crowd. Though he didn't fare too well in 2010's Yogi Bear, he's on a roll these days. He won a Critics' Choice Award himself last year for best supporting actor in a TV comedy, and his mouthful-of-food acceptance speech at the dinner event might have paved his way as a newly minted master of ceremonies. 

Star Wars: The Force Awakens introduced several new characters to the Star Wars universe, with one of the most notable being scavenger heroine Rey.

Some of the fans of Daisy Ridley's character were disappointed to see her omitted from a new Star Wars Monopoly game that features an all-male lineup of character tokens: Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader, Kylo Ren and Finn.

Why feature Finn (John Boyega's good-hearted stormtrooper) and not Rey, who's arguably the star of The Force Awakens?

Hasbro tells Entertainment Weekly the decision was one made before many movie details had been revealed:

"The Star Wars: Monopoly game was released in September, months before the movie's release, and Rey was not included to avoid revealing a key plot line that she takes on Kylo Ren and joins the Rebel Alliance," a Hasbro rep said.

Sure, Disney, which now owns Star Wars, famously takes near totalitarian measures to keep any spoilers about its franchise properties from leaking. But it seems odd that the same logic wouldn't apply to Finn, whose role was also shrouded in mystery.

Like The Avengers and its merchandising exclusion of the Black Widow, as well as Guardians of the Galaxy and Gamora, the exclusion of Rey in tie-ins has continued to stoke debate about why so many female characters are marginalized in marketing.

In this case, there's even a hashtag, #WheresRey, that fans have been using to document her absence.

Apparently Rey is featured in other Hasbro games like Hands Down, Guess Who, and chess. But we all know Monopoly is the only game worth buying for particular character tokens.

Still, "fans will see more Rey product hitting store shelves this month, including 6-inch and 12-inch Rey action figures," said the Hasbro rep. "We are thrilled with the popularity of this compelling character and will continue to look for ways to showcase Rey across all of our product lines."

Given that they can barely handle making the thing they're named after, it seems a little presumptuous for Pizza Hut to sell branded clothing ... but they're doing it anyway. 

Not only that, they're calling the collection Hut Swag, so you can't even talk about it without sounding like a dudebro idiot. 

Current Hut Swag items include hats, shirts, socks, scarves and—for those of us who saw those "Twerk" sunglasses at the beach and thought "Nah, not tacky enough"—Pizza Vision Sunglasses.

From a strategic perspective, we're surprised Pizza Hut didn't launch a clothing line way earlier. Pizza's been a viral phenomenon for so long ... and it's unclear how much longer people will be willing to wear "Pizza Is Bae" hoodies in public without shame. Then again, Pizza Hut delivering something late, and in an unsatisfying way, is pretty on brand. 

If you want to pay $48 for a bag of flour, head to northern Canada. It might even come with the same cheesy smile that your local grocer promises in its own ads. 

A new public-service campaign uses dark humor to raise awareness of a serious issue: skyrocketing food prices in Nunavut, the large but thinly populated territory that, on a world map, juts out of the top of Canada into the Arctic Ocean. 

Three parody commercials by Calgary agency Wax for a fictional supermarket called Way North highlight the problem with the obligatory bad jingle and footage of grinning store workers shilling goods at costs so outrageous they seem impossible.

The problem is, those price tags are real.



In Nunavut, a week's groceries can cost the equivalent of about $430 (in U.S. currency) for a family of three. Food prices on average cost 140 percent more than elsewhere in Canada, according to one advocacy group. A government study from 2013 clocked items ranging from 20 percent to 287 percent higher than the rest of the country. 

The region is primarily home to indigenous Inuit, who earn an average income equivalent to about $14,000. Coupled with high prices, that often means people don't get enough to eat; indeed, 70 percent of pre-schoolers in the area suffer from this problem, according to 2007-2008 research.

The reasons for the crisis are complex, but key causes include the region's remote geography: Food must be shipped in by plane or boat, driving prices up. Traditional diets, reliant on hunting, have waned as caribou populations change their migration patterns due to climate change, and Inuit lifestyles are increasingly less nomadic and more entangled in settled cash economies.



Meanwhile, the problem of exorbitant grocery costs—too familiar among victims to even be called sticker shock—persists, despite efforts by the Canadian government and private citizens alike to mitigate them. Last year, one group of good Samaritans from Ontario gathered 60 boxes of food to send north, only to stall upon discovering that shipping costs would amount to about $8,500.

The new ads, and their relatable message, seek practical assistance—in the form of increased pressure on lawmakers, and additional donations—from Canada and the U.S. alike. With their surreal twist on familiar tropes, and copy like "Just like your budget, these potatoes are about to get mashed," they certainly succeed in getting the point across. 

In fact, the biggest problem might be that the numbers seem totally unbelievable. Then again, the campaign is smart to bank on that; in one of the better applications of Instagram in advertising, the Way North account features pictures of real items ... and their astronomical price tags.

Meet Will Perkins, a cardigan-clad Milwaukee resident who loves all-day breakfast at McDonald's so much that he's composing power ballads in its honor.

Thanks to the parody mavens at Jingle Punks, we can watch Will's bedroom performances through a throwback-style website called Will's Universe (aptly hosted on Neocities, which, if you ever saw a Geocities site in your life, should tell you what to expect).



Jingle Punks, a New York-based music and marketing studio, built its rep on clever spec ads and music-based satire. The firm did an orchestral cover of the Meow Mix theme that was a huge viral hit, and has worked with brands like Pepsi, Yahoo, Three Olives vodka, the NFL and Jack Daniel's, on the basis of its unsolicited ads and digital shorts.

Jingle Punks doesn't count the Golden Arches as a client, but is obviously making a stab at some new business with Will's earnest low-tech odes to hash browns and Sausage McMuffins. ("Will" is actually a Punks employee who's reportedly been waiting "his whole life" for all-day breakfast at the burger chain, and wanted to express his devotion in song.)



The videos easily stand on their own, with Will's Labyrinth movie poster and circa-1985 computer as props. But the site has more to give, like creepy Ronald McDonald wallpaper (shown below) and links for making blowtorches out of strawberry Pop-Tarts.

Plus, if you'd like to sign up for the local adult soccer league, Will has you covered.